Monday, November 17, 2014

Mismatched Communication Styles

By: Betiel Mussie

Many people fail to hear others when engaging in a conversation. This is due to a mismatch in their communication styles. In the article How to Listen When Your Communication Styles Don’t Match Mark Goulston discusses the two types of communication styles and its effects on a person’s active listening. The two types of communication styles mentioned were venter/screamer and explainer/belaborer. To venter’s explainers seem patronizing. To explainers a venter seem volatile and overly emotional. Goulston talks about the middle of the brain called the amygdala which deals with a humans’ emotional state. The amygdala hijacks your attentive listening when communicating with someone with a different communication style. Instead of listening, the amygdala reacts reflexively with whatever your hardwired reactions are.

The article continues with tips to work around mismatch communication styles for every type. For a venter your initial reaction is to calm them down but that makes the situation worse. To deal with a venter you should start by listening to everything they have to say and focus your eye contact on their left eye. The left eye is connected to the right emotional brain. This will make them feel like you really care about what they are saying. By the end of the conversation, you should relay everything they told you. By doing this they feel important, and it will help you stay centered and in control. For explainers, you should try not to let your impatience show while they are speaking. This may trigger them to talk longer because they feel that you are not listening to what they are saying. You should listen to everything they have to say and be patient because this is vital for them. You should repeat everything they said back to them so they feel understood. This may seem too much when communicating with others, but you need to be able to work around mismatched communication styles. The people you have conversations with are unlikely to change, and being more open and inviting may lessen their need to act the way they do.

I think this article has done a great job in explaining the different types of communication styles and how to deal with them. Sometimes when listening to others we have the urge to stop actively listening. There are times when we do not like how the other person is communicating. We tend to go into our own thoughts and think about how we will respond to their words, rather than really listening to what they have to say. In the end we have to try our best to work around these mismatched communication styles. These styles are engraved in people’s personalities and everyone you have a conversation with is not going to change just so your communication styles match.

Reference

Goulston, M. (2013, October 9). How to Listen When Your Communication Styles Don’t Match. Retrieved November 10, 2014.